Gran Turismo = Blech!

Who in their right mind would play Gran Turismo? I have a better question, who in their wrong mind would play Gran Turismo? Well, actually, I suppose anyone would because they are in the wrong mind. Ah, well in any case, the point that is being made here…..veeeeeeeery sloooooowly is that I hate, nay, dislike intently, Gran Turismo. It touts itself as the ultimate driving simulator or some wish wash like that, but I can’t stand it. I can’t help but feel like I am going to need to get some cheat codes to unlock the fun but I can’t because this game is devoid of any whatsoever. I suppose that you would look now to tell me that it is a very good game and I suppose it is, but I cannot see how it is people can wait in line until midnight just to buy a game. I feel as though I am going to get a grade for everything I do in this game. Games aren’t supposed to do this to you, make your hair turn grey and make the veins in your head grow to the size of a garden hose.

It is my personal belief that games should be fun. Gran Turismo is anti fun. Now, I won’t dispute the quality of this piece of software, I mean it would deserve perfect scores all the way, but it fails terribly as a game. What constitutes it as a game is that you and a friend can race and there would be a winner and all is well, but as far as playing on your own, the simulation part of the “game” is horrendous. There were so many things in screen when I wanted to check the specs to buy a car, it was as if someone put all the text in the phonebook on to the screen at once. Gran Turismo, I gave you a chance, since the very first edition came out on the PS1. I remember getting the game and wanting to cry at the thought of getting a license, then one day a comrade of mine asks to borrow the game and never returns it, claiming that the “maid burnt it.” Part of me was flabbergasted, while the other part was somewhat relieved that I would never have to play you again GT. True story.

Now, can someone tell me why you would want to play GT instead of a masterpiece that is Burnout 3? In all honesty, in terms of realism, Burnout 3 surpasses GT, or may as well be considered its equal. Wait, before you go all “OMG!!1!” on my inbox, let me explain, the thing about Burnout 3 is that the cars disintegrate, that alone makes it a lot more realistic that GT. However, a lot of things are holding it back, for one thing, lack of licensed cars, apparently car manufacturers are all up in arms about seeing their cars destroyed in a video game, though they seem perfectly content with it happening in real life. As far as the boost feature in Burnout 3, that adds to realism because really do use NOS, or “Nitrous Oxide” for “teh n00bs.”

For me to like Gran Turismo, I think the game needs to take a page out of the book of Burnout 3, wait, scratch that, I think it needs to make a photocopy of the whole book or even potentially get the paperback edition. What Gran Turismo needs is destructible cars a la Burnout 3, not even that of Project Gotham Racing as well as catering for the casual non whip set gamers out there. The game is already a best seller, imagine if it took normal people into consideration, then we’d have something there. Are you listening Polyphony?