Damn You M&M’s.
I hate M&M’s and by hate I mean love. I’ve been trying to be more conscious of what I eat and in effect I have been considering I haven’t been sleeping while eating. My wanting to eat healthy is just becoming harder and harder. We got a bag of M&M’s, the big bags at that and I just can’t stop eating it. Damn, I mean, I like M&M’s and all, but having this big ‘ol bag is just too much. I think I’m gaining weight too, this morning, I swear I heard the bed breathe a sigh of relief when I got up. The picture you see is of the bag of M&M’s in the fridge, nearing completion. Now, I haven’t been the only one eating it, but I know I’ve…..“contributed” the most. The thing is that I think it’s a conspiracy.
The aforementioned bag of M&M’s is part of the Star Wars collection. Now, I know about Star Wars. I’m not a huge fan, in fact, as of this writing I haven’t even seen the new movie yet, but I am knowledgeable and perceptive enough to know what the people at Mars Inc. have decided to do along with George Lucas.
Now, the first thing I would like to point out is the uncanny similarity taking place in this scenario. M&M’s are a product of Mars, Incorporated. Through some research, I’ve been able to discover that Mars is in fact, the name of another planet. Now, what other franchise would Mars, Incorporated want to tie in its already addictive snack food with? Why, something from space of course! And that something is Star Wars. Are you catching my drift, Mars, Incorporated deliberately intended to have some kind of merchandising frenzy when it decided to team up with Star Wars, only because Star Wars takes place where M&M’s are made, in space.
The second thing is that in Star Wars, Jedis, who are more or less good guys in the Star Wars universe, can use Jedi “Mind Tricks” to get people to do what ever you want without you knowing it. No, deliberately intoxicating people to do with them as you please is not a Jedi Mind Trick, so please, don’t get any ideas. An example of these mind tricks would be this.
Just for this example, let’s pretend that Jedis were also known as ‘roids.
Storm Trooper: “I’m looking for two ‘roids.
Jedi: “We are not the ‘roids you are looking for.”
Storm Trooper: “These are not the ‘roids we are looking for.”
The Trooper would then leave and be on his way looking for the ‘roids who he was just talking to but was lead to believe they weren’t what they were. Scary, I know. The thing is, this isn’t fake.
This has grown into a long winded affair and I’ve given enough back-story for even the most incompetent nincompoop to comprehend my banter. I believe that Jedi Mind Tricks are put into the bag of M&M’s. You must be thinking to yourself, “Putting Jedi Mind Tricks in the bag? This guy must be nuts!” Well in actuality, the nuts are only in the peanut M&M’s, but yeah, Jedi Mind Tricks are put into the bag. “How?”, you might ask. Well, vacuum sealing my friends, that stuff is strong. Essentially, Jedis put mind tricks telling you to eat the M&M’s into the bag and it is then sealed. Suddenly, you “just happen” to want to eat M&M’s all the frigging time and you really can’t fight the urge. You are doomed ‘till the end of eternity or until the bag is finished. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The aforementioned bag of M&M’s is part of the Star Wars collection. Now, I know about Star Wars. I’m not a huge fan, in fact, as of this writing I haven’t even seen the new movie yet, but I am knowledgeable and perceptive enough to know what the people at Mars Inc. have decided to do along with George Lucas.
Now, the first thing I would like to point out is the uncanny similarity taking place in this scenario. M&M’s are a product of Mars, Incorporated. Through some research, I’ve been able to discover that Mars is in fact, the name of another planet. Now, what other franchise would Mars, Incorporated want to tie in its already addictive snack food with? Why, something from space of course! And that something is Star Wars. Are you catching my drift, Mars, Incorporated deliberately intended to have some kind of merchandising frenzy when it decided to team up with Star Wars, only because Star Wars takes place where M&M’s are made, in space.
The second thing is that in Star Wars, Jedis, who are more or less good guys in the Star Wars universe, can use Jedi “Mind Tricks” to get people to do what ever you want without you knowing it. No, deliberately intoxicating people to do with them as you please is not a Jedi Mind Trick, so please, don’t get any ideas. An example of these mind tricks would be this.
Just for this example, let’s pretend that Jedis were also known as ‘roids.
Storm Trooper: “I’m looking for two ‘roids.
Jedi: “We are not the ‘roids you are looking for.”
Storm Trooper: “These are not the ‘roids we are looking for.”
The Trooper would then leave and be on his way looking for the ‘roids who he was just talking to but was lead to believe they weren’t what they were. Scary, I know. The thing is, this isn’t fake.
This has grown into a long winded affair and I’ve given enough back-story for even the most incompetent nincompoop to comprehend my banter. I believe that Jedi Mind Tricks are put into the bag of M&M’s. You must be thinking to yourself, “Putting Jedi Mind Tricks in the bag? This guy must be nuts!” Well in actuality, the nuts are only in the peanut M&M’s, but yeah, Jedi Mind Tricks are put into the bag. “How?”, you might ask. Well, vacuum sealing my friends, that stuff is strong. Essentially, Jedis put mind tricks telling you to eat the M&M’s into the bag and it is then sealed. Suddenly, you “just happen” to want to eat M&M’s all the frigging time and you really can’t fight the urge. You are doomed ‘till the end of eternity or until the bag is finished. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
posted by samureye at 12:33 PM
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